Earlier tonight, I found a news story about a local police department finding drugs in an unusual place: a person’s buttocks:

Not being a junkie, nor knowing any, my only information about hiding places for drugs comes from the mass media. Television shows with heavy drug use, like Cops, Miami Vice, America’s Most Wanted and American Idol have all led me to believe that the buttocks were the hiding place of choice amongst illicit drug users. I wanted to check up on this using Google. That’s when I found a disturbing trend: buttocks have been an increasingly unpopular search term over the last four years:

As you can plainly see, there has been a steady decline in buttocks searches since the start of 2005. The decline continued into 2008, when the search market built an area of support for buttocks at around 0.75.

Note the recent increase in buttocks searches in late 2008. This is most likely a response to the banking and automotive bailouts and general economic malaise during that period. While this may mean more buttocks in our future, you can be certain that the buttocks support at 0.75 will most certainly be tested as the Obama Administration takes control of the U.S. Obama has been vague on his stand on buttocks.

But even given the recent rise in buttocks, they’re not smelling rosy. Most of the gains in buttocks appear to be coming from outside the U.S., most notably India:

Note that India in general, and Chennai, in particular, are accounting for a majority of the buttocks searches. This is most likely due to U.S. corporations outsourcing their buttocks searches in an attempt to stabilize the bottom line.

The world of buttocks analysis is not a complete science, and I’ll be sure to keep my eye on buttocks, and update as necessary.

I’m not an ebay power seller or buyer. In fact, I believe I’ve bought only one thing on the site this year, and have never sold anything. It’s for that reason that I’m surprised to find that ebay thinks I need to give my password a rest, judging from this response I received earlier today:

Dear Moleskine,

While visiting Amazon today, I noticed that you’re not publishing your product on Amazon’s Kindle device. As you can see below, Amazon wants me to ask you to publish your notebooks (including plain, ruled and square, but all blank) on the Kindle. So I’m asking.

Thank You, A fan

Oh, how I wish the web application I was working on had this problem:

This came from the BillShrink web site:

When the sales guy asked me if I wanted the null service for my Blackberry, I didn’t think I’d ever need it. Turns out I was wrong…

A woman, who I’ll refer to as “Harriet” (not her real name; it will become obvious later) had a mouse problem. Not the computer kind, mind you, but the rodent. Her trailer had a few unwelcome mice. This in itself is not unusual; it’s happened to the best of us. However, when the best of us have this problem, we usually set out mouse traps, or call an exterminator.

Unfortunately, Harriet isn’t one of the best of us. She decided to get a gun and kill the mice. And it was not just any gun, but a .44 magnum, the weapon of choice of Dirty Harry (get it?).

Dirty Harriet takes aim, but the .44 magnum, which is a heavy gun, succumbs to the force of gravity, and falls to the floor. As the gun strikes the floor, it fires. The bullet goes clean through Dirty Harriet’s knee, then in true Warren Commission fashion, makes it toward a bystander we’ll call “Janitor”.

The bullet first strikes Janitor’s key ring on his belt (get it?) and then (men, sit down before reading further) “grazes” his groin, and ends up in his coin pocket.

Everyone is expected to survive, including the mice, which escaped the entire incident without injury.

Source: Woman Shoots Herself While Trying To Kill Mice, cbs13.com